What a mess. I drunk a whole bottle of vodka last night and I was wankered. What makes the whole thing worse is the fact that I spoke to harding online - yes, you've guessed it, I f**ked up! Give me strength - why oh why oh why do I do these things. I am now in a hate war with alcohol and I intend to win. Tomorrow night is the gig and once that's over I intend to meet up with harding and try and sort my life out once and for all. That is, if she ever talks to me again!
I feel like shit and I am so embarrassed I just don't know what to do with myself - I was on fire, what a twat! I really don't know why she continued conversing with me for so long - I was completely sozzled at some points and I took everything she said the wrong way. I'm having a nightmare here.
Anyway, I got up and went for a run which practically killed me dead. I feel a little better now but I really overdid it. I sent a message to harding this morning admitting I had drunk last night and to apologize, now it's back to the waiting game again. THE WAITING GAME AGAIN! I'm so tired of playing the waiting game, so tired. I've got to arrange to meet her ( if she still wants to ) before I completely screw this thing up. It's the only thing I have in my life other than my son.
As you may have gathered I am not in any way feeling positive. Far from it actually. I'm off to the co-op now to get some nice liquids in and maybe some lunch and will finish this doomed post later lol.
It's 4.23 in the afternoon and harding has replied to me twice ( thank you god ). I've apologized three times now and she seems alright with it. I've brought up the first meeting again and I asked her what normal people do - turns out after shes sorted out the kids shes pretty much knackered and does f**k all. Turns out she took no offense to what I was rambling on about last night but that really has taught me a lesson - no more mate! You need to grow up.
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