OK, Starting to Freak Out A Bit

Yeah, as the title states - I'm starting to freak out a bit. Can't remember if harding ( the girl in my phone ) said she was back on the Saturday or Sunday and I'm, f**king missing her. This is ridiculous - I've spent most of the day pretty positive but there's this nagging shite going on in the back of my mind, 'what happens if she's back already', 'what happens if she does not want to contact me again' etc, etc. It's all pretty stupid really but it's clouding my mind.

My sons been with me since lunchtime today, he's lying on the couch watching 'blot' at the moment. he should really be in bed but I let him go later as a treat when he's in my house. I've had a great day with him but in the back of my mind that girl has got under my skin - absolutely ridiculous! I wish she would just contact me and get this over and done with.

I'm writing all this at 9.12 at night cos my sons been my main focus of attention all day. I must admit that I'm feeling a little unhappy with all this even though I have been trying to remain positive all day. I've still got POS printed on my hand but the heavy feeling in my gut is dragging me down - gotta get over this and back on track. It's just that I feel I am ready to move on and be an adult again - I feel I have a lot more to offer than ever before. There's no getting away from the fact that I'm alone and I don't want to be any longer - I need to move on and improve all aspects of my life.

This is not a great post - I'm aware of that but I need to get it all down, this is a journey after all. GOT TO START FEELING POSITIVE AGAIN RIGHT NOW! Ok, maybe feeling a little better now, blogging is a type of therapy after all. Have not managed to catch any of the footie matches today for obvious reasons, gonna watch the highlights tonight.

It's now 10.07 at night - my son fell asleep on the couch so I carried him up to bed. Highlights are on at 10.15 so I may have to shut down the PC for a while. Feeling slightly better after writing all this, got to keep the positive mindset. I've obviously taken a shine to this girl, I feel as if I've always known her. But I must prepare myself for the disappointment of it turning out to be nothing - a flash in the pan that was positive whilst it lasted.

Feeling kinda sick in my stomach - a sort of nervous feeling. I know this is not good and not positive. The more I tell myself to be positive today the more further away from it I'm getting ( f**king irritating ). Sorry this post has been so dark, I suspect there will be a few more dark ones before my journeys end.