Got My Boy With Me And I'm Watching Bolt

Yep, like the title says I'm in the company of my brilliant boy. I picked him up this morning and I have him with me til tomorrow night. He actually just had a sip of my vodka and coke - that'll put him off drinking until his teenage years. Hardings had her kids birthday party today so as yet I'm have not had any decent contact with her ( really is pissing me off now but I can't complain really. Sent her one message, she saw it, she has not replied - it's ten past seven at night now.

I know last night went well and she said she had a nice time but I'm starting to lose my positive feelings - how f**king needy is that. My son is sitting next to me as I write this and he's passing my drink to me every time I ask lol - slave labor but he get's enough out of me! I'm gonna have a few drinks tonight and try and forget about this lady for a while cos she's starting to rot my brain a bit. It's a weight today and I've had enough. I seem to be doing all the work. Shes already stressed shes interested a few times but I'm still unsure - guess this is just part of the game we play.

Yeah, 8.35 at night now and still no response - I'm not in the mood for positive shite now so I'll be back and for to this blog throughout the night. Just re-read that last sentence - fuck that! It's her loss if this turns out sour not mine. I'm gonna get positive again tonight and ride this black horse all the way to hell if needs be!!!!

I apologize for my lack of positive feeling tonight - I think I'm on a come-down from last night but my life is not going to stand still. Feeling angry but I'm not going to take this shite or let myself get to down - I've come this far and that is an achievement in itself. Drinking rather more hastily now and it's 9.10 at night. I'm not sending any more messages now as I've had enough and I remember I do have a degree of self respect left in this battered body. If she gets in contact then good news - if she doesn't then tuff fuck to me and her. I must be ruthless as well as positive - it's the only way forward in this pursuit of happiness.